The first marriage counseling meeting was crucial to laying the foundation for the marriage repairs that the couple needed. Some are adjustments, some are overhauls, and some people, I am afraid to say, are salvaging the waste yard. However, there must be hope for some form of reconciliation of peace, whether it is the state of any relationship, together or separately.
Of course, the couple will be keen to sneak into the current problems, especially the dysfunctions of communication and conflict resolution. But whether you believe it or not, there are more important things.
Of course, we will discuss not only the following dozens of endless lists, but we must have some structure guided by God; the structure gives purpose and hope; it determines the direction; when we seek God only the Lord can provide When it helps, it can give us some trust.
It is difficult for me to learn the necessity of structure; when I trust a process of guiding unstructured couples and doing them, I am a great harm to God. Therefore, the structure is necessary. It is the guiding light of God's holy wisdom.
Here are some general points that need to be part of the first session, in no particular order:
- What did you do to your marriage before? Have you completed the Prepare-Enrich inventory or similar product? What you learned from previous marriage counselors and tutors. What tools are you equipped with? We need wisdom to quantify where the problem is and what to do first.
- Teaching will be provided. Undoubtedly, a lot of time may be unnecessarily consumed and wasted on the red squid, which will eventually make things worse. For example, tearing up conflicts that currently only retrain. Marriage counseling can not only solve problems, but also learn and discover. The consulting relationship is designed to simulate security. It requires structure. The tools that teach the couple to be equipped are an intrinsic part of a good structure. I teach PeaceWise, trade analysis, marriage boundaries, apology, and many other tools as needed.
- If you are a Christian, what is your marriage theology? Hope is a consensus on whether egalitarianism or complementary methods are the best. I tend to adopt an egalitarian attitude, but if the couple in the room with me wins complementarism, then this is fine for me. There must be a common marriage vision. Most importantly, the most fundamental thing about marriage is that it loves each other so much that we are consumed less by desire and more consumed by what we can give them. This is God put A gift in our hands. And custody.
- Talking about the vision is especially important for the second marriage and the mixed family. I want to know what kind of vision a marriage partner has for a cohesive family in the broader context of the word "family", ie with a former partner. Related to the family. I prefer a vision in which a wider family can get along without forging it. Although sometimes we do need to pretend it until we make it. A cohesive and broader family background is a gift for children. This is the vision to achieve optimal reconciliation in a broken environment. How will our children's 18th and 21st birthday celebrations be a happy moment for parents and stepfathers to get along with friends or at least friendly? It must be the vision of our efforts.
- What are your indicators for your luggage? What is self-awareness? Does your partner agree with a good self-awareness? Most of us believe that our growth path is even further than the actual situation. Does your partner think that you are self-aware and equally important to manage your emotions? We all have more work to do; we have never really reached #39; In the context of marriage, our views on our humility and character are often beyond reality. that's OK. This is normal. It is time to be cruel and honest. Honesty will never kill us, but pride can end marriage or at least kill the kind of life they should have. We also need to recognize that growth depends on changes in the mind level; only changes in the mind level [who Christians call repentance] produce behaviors that change continuously.
- For the second marriage, what kind of baggage did you read from your former partner? It is common to see in our current partners that we are struggling with our former partners and are ultimately rejected. It is usually the default because our vision is now excited or tilted in a specific way. Can we deviate from some perception? What are we telling ourselves unconsciously? Is there a distorted view that prevents you from seeing the kindness and acceptability of your current partner? Baggage will always prevent marriage from being met.
- Need to warn: Please expect things in your marriage to get worse before getting better. Many times, we believe that marriage counseling is the most important, because in all realities, most people are late to consult if they have caused significant damage. It takes time to undo the damage. The fair expectation for change is 1-2 years. Why are we in a hurry? The most important thing is the willingness to start working and the commitment to follow it. I just said that this is a challenging job. Counseling is necessary, but most of the work is done by the couple's application of the principles. It takes time.
- The two questions I have as a meeting assistant are, 1] ' Lord, let me know what I need to pay attention to in this situation, Amen '; 2]' Lord, I am at Looking to serve the couple or to impose power? I am a helper, I am responsible. I realize that I have strength and strength is influence. This is a precious thing that I must take seriously. I want you to know that if you think it is necessary, I hope you challenge me. I know that I have and need the power to help you. But, relatively speaking, we are equal here. In other words, I hope that you will realize that your ideas are your own, they need to test with others to see if they are shared, otherwise they are just your truth, not the truth.
- With the dynamic development of the conference itself, the above issues need to be at the forefront of my thinking and thinking, and even to identify whether each of the couple is seeking to serve or exercise power. We are always committed to serving each other and dying for ourselves. No matter where we model, there is a mild consideration.
- What are the characteristics of the third entity in your marriage? Is God the center in the existence of your marriage? Are you bringing things to the Lord, alone about yourself and a couple? Did God condemn your sin? Does God help you get a log from your own eyes? Will that lead to frankness, apology, forgiveness and recovery? Once again, I teach PeaceWise.
- I hope that you will leave your first meeting and do so in subsequent meetings, and be prepared not to react angrily with your partner about what they say or don't say or anything they do. Bring it to the Lord for one or three days. It can only be promoted in a productive way. Pay attention to and give examples of the security we will build during this consultation.
- Finally, I ask you to believe me. Given that you have trusted me, this could be a weird request. But what I want to ask is that you will continue to believe in my guidance, especially when you only have one person who wants to cancel this trust. If one person still trusts, another person should believe that I am enough to share with me how I hurt you or miss you. Challenge me. If you all agree to cancel your trust, I will respect your decision. Test what I and others say in a variety of ways. If it is not from God, it needs to die.
Orignal From: 12 things discussed at the first marriage counseling meeting
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