Do you believe that you can love someone to solve the mistakes in your life? Do you have the ability or inclination to deny and rationalize the obvious truth about your emotional object, and believe that your love is enough to change this person? If your answer to these questions is yes, then you may be dependent.
Codependency is a loose term that many of us have heard, although few of us know what it means. In general, dependence is the relationship that exists between everyone and everything; the positive and necessary functions of human experience. But we rarely hear the words used in this situation. When someone is called independence, it usually means illness. In this article, I will further narrow the scope by focusing on specific types of interdependent disorder-relationships.
Relationship dependence, also known as toxic love or "white knight" syndrome, is a debilitating psychological addiction to pain, depression and inequality. Those with this disease often seek to establish relationships with other unstable and irresponsible people to meet their compulsive needs to help, develop or control others. Soon after, they fell into the object of their feelings, and in addition to all the evidence or reason, I hope that this person will change. I have been suffering from serious diseases for many years.
People with this addiction usually don't know that they have this addiction. They do not understand that the so much confusion and pain that is so common in their lives is the result of their own dysfunctional behavior. They believe that they have no responsibility to create a life full of heartbreaking confusion and disappointment.
In the early 1980s, I married a hidden but incurable drug addict. My belief in dying from wool is "love to conquer everyone" [the mantra of interdependence], and my unwavering determination keeps me going back, no matter what he lets me pass.
One day, I accidentally discovered a syringe hidden in the kitchen cabinet. There are many signs that his recurrence is inferred or denied by me, but this is too obvious to ignore. And because he made me believe that he was clean and awake, the shock of seeing the needle made me fall into the depths of despair. When I found the evidence, he didn't go home, so I spent the next few hours alone, alternating between silence and anger. When he finally walked into the front door, I rushed to him with enthusiasm, holding evidence in his hand. In stark contrast to my unbridled behavior, he remains calm. He quickly put forward a lame excuse he used, confident that I would buy it. He has no reason not to think so; he knows that I really want to believe that everything is fine and easy to convince.
"I didn't use it. Don't be angry - please believe me. I just want the feeling of the needle, but I don't take drugs; I just boiled water."
The evidence is self-evident. Anyway, I thought that his idea of pinning in his veins was disgusting and disturbing. On the other hand, I want to believe what he told me. Do not believe that he will destroy my entire world. Therefore, I put my sense of destruction aside and immediately turned into a dependency mode. I remind myself that I am much stronger than him. He has a serious problem; I don't. I will be fine - this is what he has to worry about. I can solve this problem.
I willingly take responsibility for his failure. I asked myself instead of questioning him. Maybe I have not proved my dedication. Maybe I didn't try to make him happy. I promise myself that I will love him more than before and show it harder. I believe that once I prove how much I love him, he will never want to use it again. The mentality at the time was very meaningful to me. This is a relationship-related way of thinking.
Relationship dependencies are always looking for the potential of others, not accepting them as they are. They think people are working in progress - they think it is necessary to undertake the project. The more challenging the project, the more attractive they are to others. They think they are rescuers and they are doing something useful. They are not exposed to the morbidity behind their cognition.
Soon after, relationships depend on emotions that depend on their partners and are obsessed with their problems and needs. This is a parasitic relationship; the feeling of interdependence is like his survival depends on another person in his life. In all respects, this is an addiction; another person becomes dependent on the drug. This is an obsession that consumes every sober thought. The resulting despair and frustration will only make him more responsive to another person. He may smile for the world, but in his heart he feels that he is dying. He began to isolate himself because he did not want others to know the secret life he led.
Http://randigfine.com/confusion-and-disappointment-of-love-addiction/
Orignal From: Confusion and disappointment of love addiction
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