The problem with toxic friendships is that others tend to ignore it, but more like a friend of the enemy, or "Freness" may be very insulting. Frennie's relationship is often more emotional [controlled, passive - aggressive or degraded] than the body. It is usually not as intimate as family abuse, because in most cases, friends can more easily stay away from abuse rather than romance or family relationships. Because people tend to downplay abuse of their friends; its victims keep secrets.
How to tell if a friend is "frenemy" [alternative]
She is goingssip behind you. If she tells your friends about bad things about you, or tells others the secrets you share with confidence, she will try to build herself under you.
He is not reliable. If he does not fulfill his promise, or is always late, or may not show it at all, he does not care about you. He is either too out of control or too much to be a good friend.
When something good happens to you, she will be embarrassed or depressed. This is not a friend's attitude, this is a competitor.
If he wants you, you can only hear his message. If he only contacts you when he wants to ride a car, or you take him to lunch, help him with homework or projects, or become his "winged man" when he wants to go to the bar; then he is just using it You, and he is not a true friend. Friendship should be two-way.
She lets you know your second best. If she suddenly dates, or if she gets a "better offer" from a date or a popular friend, she can't use it, then she is not a true friend.
He criticizes you, your achievements, your family, your home, your work or your friends. A good friend won't let you suffer negative and criticism often. If you are your own good friend, you will not accept it. A good friend may feel the need to tell you a tricky fact, but even so, you can express it in good faith.
7. She asks you to pay for something to do for her and do things for her, but she rarely or never returns. Even if your financial situation is different, a good friend will try to reward with something he can afford: homemade meals or hospitality in exchange for her going out for lunch; or helping you exchange for what you buy.
He flirts with your girlfriend or someone he knows you are interested in, or he tries to steal your best friend. This is not a friend, this is a competitor. A good friend is happy to see you happy and support your other relationships.
9. When something goes wrong with you, she won't admit that she is wrong, or apologize or talk about it. She killed you and tried to make you feel guilty because she didn't like what she did. Friends may have problems, this is part of the relationship; but good friends can solve problems, apologize and forgive each other through conversation.
He is jealous of your success or happiness. A good friend can support you and celebrate with you, even if you do better than him.
How to deal with your friends in a sensitive and diplomatic way:
• How painful the ass!! She is very late for lunch, she always complains or complains, she won't pay you back. But she is your friend, so what have you done? Work with her! If you do it right, she is easy to teach. Let her know what you like about her, and then when you say something you don't like, she will hear you. Use silence: If you don't like what she is doing or saying, don't respond; she got the message without saying a word.
• Set limits: If he is habitually late, make sure he knows when time is important [you don't want to miss the first 5 minutes of the movie] and time is not a problem [you can read a book or talk] to his friends until he arrives] When time is important, tell him that if he is not ready for xxx time, you will leave him. What is amazing is how effective it is.
• Don't be too strict: if she has good reasons, or just an occasional thing, then let her relax a bit. But don't be a pusher either.
• Don't react to annoying things, but just politely ignore what he has done or said and keep a pleasant demeanor. Become an adult, whether he is or not. If you have to treat him like a child who is misbehaving, then that's it; just don't let him drag you into your own bad behavior.
• People who respond in this way often have a lot of emotional pain in their lives. Understand as much as possible and be willing to listen to your friends' feelings to a reasonable extent, but don't let their struggles undermine your affection for yourself. If you can, please spend time with your friends and help her feel special and important. Usually, public thanks to her for doing good things, she will help her to stay calm.
• Understand the root cause of bad behavior: People who have always felt competitive with you may be misbehaving and draw attention in this way. If someone's behavior becomes a problem, set some restrictions. Tell your friends directly what behavior is unacceptable [such as making annoying remarks when you are with other friends], and if his behavior does not improve, let him know that you can't be his friend.
• Don't be afraid to talk to your friends about what friendship means to you: Is it possible to cancel a date with a girlfriend [or she and you] because you get a better quote from a man? Due to family illness or problem? What is your loyalty to friendship, what does it mean?
• to be frank. Telling your friends if you are violating the agreement will cause more damage than breaking the agreement. If you do something with another friend, be honest and don't protect your friends. This gave him a wrong impression.
• Handling difficult personality requires skill and expertise. This is a technology that anyone can learn to use.
Adult time:
If someone does not perform well in front of you, giving the adult a "pause" is a powerful and subtitle way to solve the problem. Modern parents use time to train their children. For any adult friend who is naive or misbehaving, overtime adult variation also applies. It is only very alienated and polite to those who are not kind to you. No personal conversations and interactions, no jokes, no emotions. Be very polite, so he or she can't blame you for being unpleasant, mean or rude. There is no need to explain what you are doing: the problem person will get information from your actions, which is more effective.
If you have never tried this, then you will be surprised how effective it will be if you are polite and happy and far away. Most of the time, your friend's behavior will immediately become softer and often more concerned.
Sometimes, he or she may ask you what went wrong, or why you changed, then you have a chance to tell her what the problem is and why you don't like it. Learning to drive out annoying friends at the beginning of incompetent behavior can make it unnecessary to use a tougher strategy. If the person's behavior has not changed, you can have him or her "pause" and you will be protected.
Orignal From: Poisonous friendship and how to deal with it
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