I was recently asked this question by a wife who told her that he had become an "evasion mechanism" because of the pressure in his life. He recently lost his father, worried about his work, had a health scare, and was generally struggling at the time. The wife did not buy this. Many people want to "escape" from their daily lives, but not everyone will change cheating. And, if the husband is actually struggling, he has a wife and he will be very willing to help him through the storm.
This is a very effective point of view, and few people will disagree. Unfortunately, the husband's extramarital affairs did not always see these same points, especially at the time. In the following article, I will try to guide you through your husband's thinking process as an escape. Due to my blog, I occasionally talk to men in this situation. Believe me when I say that I don't defend these husbands. As a deceived wife, I will never do this. However, from the first-hand experience, I believe that following the thinking process can sometimes help cure.
Having said that, this can be very difficult for us who will never be unfaithful to this idea. Infidelity is just a way we want to believe that we will never take. Therefore, it is difficult for us to wrap around this issue. But I believe that as much insight as possible is usually an advantage we should not give up.
As an escape mechanism: from
First, when an event or cheating occurs only once, it is a little easier to buy this "escape" theory. However, if you are given this excuse by repeat offenders, then it will become more difficult to actually buy it. Maybe he was a little stupid, but if it has been happening, then rehabilitation and treatment may not happen. In retrospect, people will think that he will learn to understand better.
Still, sometimes I did have a man telling me that they didn't see it, but they learned to lose weight and they didn't want to make themselves vulnerable. I can tell you that the vast majority of men tell me that they never intend to cheat or have an affair. This is not part of their plan. They never thought about it. But usually they will tell me that this happened in a very bad time in their lives. It is less common to hear that a man who has a wonderful life in his own life has an affair.
Many people with bad conditions face death after getting sick or losing loved ones. They know they are aging. They may be worried about their work or being able to provide services to their families. They may feel insignificant, incompetent, or not worthy or strong. In short, for some reason, they feel very vulnerable and they really don't like it.
My wife often asks me why their husbands in the world will not contact them during this fragile period. It's really confusing and frustrating, but my theory has always been [and many have confirmed this] they don't want to admit this vulnerability, let alone you, they already suspect they think it's "not" What they really want to be.
Usually, what men tell me is that the opportunity for this event appears in front of them. Most people strongly deny that they are looking for it and will insist that they never intended to deceive their wives. Most people will tell you that it makes them completely surprised. And, many people will continue to ensure in the same way that they never intended this to be a long-term thing. They rely on the fact that no one will find that they want them to feel some relief, restore their confidence and strength, and then move on and be able to respond again without anyone needing to know.
What they often don't expect is guilt or chaos that only increases their problems and begins to make their wives doubt or at least pay more attention to their struggles. And this is usually when they realize that they have created more problems than they have solved. Of course, unfortunately, it is too late now.
These things can't be an excuse for cheating. I didn't mean to hint at this. However, I do think it helps to understand their "escape from reality" thinking process because it is usually very real in their own minds, although it usually doesn't make much sense to us.
Orignal From: Why do people want to evade affairs?
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