When we read the text messages over and over again, we laughed. "I love you, I hope you can solve your anger problem", "When you learn to control yourself, I will wait for your relationship", then zinger, "You stop me, bring back the can opener" Please note This is not a fancy schmancy opener, gilded gold coins or a precious family heirloom passed down, this is a $1.29 can opener from the grocery store. These messages are not from anger, contempt for the lover, but from her father.
Let me analyze the situation for those who are not familiar with abuse, especially emotional abuse. This is very periodic and has no start and end points. For the sake of clarity, we will start from the war. Sadly, it is not limited to a huge screaming game with broken objects or physical abuse. Before you realize that your boundaries are broken, your physical security zone is invaded and your personal belongings are destroyed and scattered on the floor. Too much torture, you lost it, and you are engaged in negative behavior. This is exactly what the abuser wants, because when the battle is over, you will feel guilty because of your bad behavior, and somehow you will apologize to them. If you don't have this...
Therefore, the first article "I love you, I hope you can solve your anger problem." My daughter feels guilty. You are a bad person, angry and need help.
The next speech about the emotional abuse round is the message that the abuser will help you solve your emotional problems. No one else, because you alienated family and friends. After all, you are not cute, no one likes you. You have a problem with anger. Peace! The next message is: "When you learn to control yourself, I will wait for your relationship with you." This boiling message makes me love you very much, even though you have a problem, I think you are very cute. I can help you become a better person. Responsibility for destroying a small number of precious photos and items that you own.
When you struggle from these psychological games, try to understand, feel ashamed, and don't respond, by the way, the worst thing you can do to the controller is that there is no response and the next button will be pressed. The bet rises and now you are called a thief. It can be anything that sends a message controlled by the abuser, without them you are nothing. Not only you are not, you are a thief, you are very lucky, I love you, or you will be in jail. Most importantly, I can take everything away from you anytime, anywhere.
This is the third can opener I bought, and every time she leaves home, she asks for a can opener. Why is this object? simple. She has nothing, her diet is very small [hunger student diet]. Holding a can opener and sending another message, you can't even support yourself without me, I can take it away at any time. You will reply me, otherwise!
This is terrible when you separate the information and actually put them into your life, in the context of your relationship. They look innocent. Isolating them is stupid, but in reality, they are layered and integrated into your life. Some people say that it is no big deal because their lives are not based on lies. Living with the abuser is control, everything is based on lies, even stupid things. Lies are meant to make you lose balance, they do it. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tool used to gain more power and to make victims question their reason and reality.
We are finally able to laugh at these screaming text messages because healing has begun. She began to get rid of the drama/trauma of emotional abuse. Slowly accept her self-worth, her voice, and understand that she can't change him. She realized that she was not a problem and she did not have a "problem". She was a by-product. She is just a young woman, she wants to be loved, respected and recognized, she has everything she needs to be independent.
She has her own can opener!
Orignal From: Can opener control - multiple forms of domestic violence
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