You can lift your marriage from your former spouse, but it is impossible - and never impossible - to dissolve your common parental relationship. She will always be the mother of your son. He will always be the father of your daughter. You think that you are free, free, and free, but your child's other parent's relationship will never be cancelled.
Here are some unavoidable facts: Accepting at an early date rather than later is good:
1. You may be happy to not have to deal with your former spouse every day, but your child may still interact regularly, which will affect them.
As long as you are still married and still living in the same house, you will still pay close attention to each other. If your wife does something that makes the child feel uneasy, then you can step in and alleviate the situation. If she lets them see inappropriate movies or make them too late or let them wear inappropriate clothes to school, you still have an impact. Once you are divorced, your child will be alone when he is with her. You can't control her to introduce them - even leave them. She has the right to wriggle with her alcoholic mother or her neighbor, she barely knows how to sit down.
Your relationship with your former spouse is much more careful than your relationship with your spouse.
Let us say that you and your former spouse are separated from their children by 50-50. With the approval of the judge, a regulatory timetable can be established. Now let us say that your parents are coming to the city, the only thing they can come is your husband's weekend. If you haven't established a good relationship with him yet, why should he be flexible and change the weekend to let the children see their grandparents?
The irony is that to be attractive, you must be more kind, sensitive and communicate better than when you marry. You must show more attention and listen more deeply. Skills such as active listening help keep communication flowing. The more your former spouse feels that you really care about his happiness, the more open his advice and requirements are to you.
When your former spouse's life gets better, your life will be better.
Although you may have an understanding of the life of your ex-wife [I often dream of pouring sugar in my predecessor's fuel tank], remember, this is like wishing your child. Life will also fall apart in 50% of the time. You want your child to be happy. You want their lives to be stable. Your former spouse has a job that will satisfy her, and the price is high and beneficial - it will make your life easier. Although you may get some secret satisfaction, it is inconvenient to see her car broken, but your child is standing at the school gate waiting to be picked up. Even if it is not, you want your child to be able to do this. Parents should be as relaxed and happy as possible so that she has the calm and patient resources needed for good parenting.
4. There is nothing in your relationship about whether you are right or wrong, about fairness or unfairness: the only criterion you care about is whether it is good for your child.
When you are still in a marriage, it is important to do everything possible to strengthen this relationship, because a strong marriage supports the child's growth. However, once you are divorced, the first filter you evaluate any decision will have an impact on your child. This is not easy! You may have a hard time seeing what is best for your child. For example, when your ex-husband remarries, you may be torn, so that another woman will comb your daughter's hair, read a bedtime story and hold her to the bed. That is your job! For your girl, if you have not done this for her, what good is this for you? But the stepmother may give her so much - love, advice, structure, support, and different perspectives. She can even help your ex-husband become a better father.
5. As long as the children believe that parents believe that this change is the best, the children can accept many changes. Your job is to make your child believe that you support your former spouse.
Although I may break up because your predecessor remarried, be sure to tell your daughter's stepmother and be excited about the part of her daughter at the wedding. Never bury your daughter because of your doubts and fears. Instead, assure her that her stepmother will love her and do the best for her. Sometimes things can happen completely differently than the way you handle them. Tell your daughter that your stepmother is smart and has many good ideas. Let us give this opportunity a chance. [No she is really an evil person, everything will be successful in a bigger plan].
6. Even if your child is 18 years old and the legal guardianship plan expires, you still need to deal with your child's other parents.
A divorced father once said, "Wait until high school graduation. Wrong. Wrong. Once the child is freed from the regulatory agenda, he must decide for himself how much time to spend at his mother's home and how it becomes a legal ruling. Or the problem of popular competition. Young people are still self-centered creatures. They will be more likely to encourage any house. Maybe Dad's house is easier because it is in the town where most of her friends are. Maybe mom's The house is easier because he can retreat to the basement and the big screen TV, and can basically stay alone in his own man cave. The lack of a clear regulatory schedule makes it easier for parents to manipulate the child, whether it's for the car or the iPhone. Guilty or total bribery is still the hottest thing at the moment.
7. Even if the children move away in adulthood, you still need to deal with the other parents of the child.
Don't you want to go to your child's wedding in person? Don't you want your daughter to walk through the aisle? Bless this happy couple? Was your first grandson born? On the first birthday of the grandson? You can see the list continue. Once again, the irony of life after divorce is that you want to build the best relationship with your child's other parents. You may want her to go to Hades, but if your former spouse is not in the photo, then your child will have a hole that cannot be filled. In my daily life, your child may not miss her other parent, but when she gets a reward or a big promotion, some of her will think: "Look, Dad, what I did! For me ?"
Your former spouse will never have to be a good friend, but you should aim at someone you feel good. You should try to make yourself interested in his lifestyle and what is happening in life. You should at least be warm and friendly. Think about it. You may want your child's in-laws to help you. You don't have to go out for a drink, but you have to have a pleasant conversation on the July 4th barbecue.
The bottom line here is that, like diplomacy between countries, the more natural you are, the more important it is to strive to achieve easing. Not only is it the surest way to protect your child, it will also add to your sense of security and well-being.
Orignal From: The truth after divorce: 7 inevitable facts to be accepted sooner rather than later
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